R.I.P. Chester

FILE – In this May 16, 2015 file photo, Chester Bennington, left, performs during the MMRBQ Music Festival 2015 at the Susquehanna Bank Center in Camden, N.J. The Los Angeles County coroner says Bennington, who sold millions of albums with a unique mix of rock, hip-hop and rap, has died in his home near Los Angeles. He was 41. Coroner spokesman Brian Elias says they are investigating Bennington’s death as an apparent suicide but no additional details are available. (Photo by Owen Sweeney/Invision/AP, File)

嗰晚我瞓得好差,成晚碌嚟碌去個身滾過火爐,仲要依稀記得發夢有個身影慢慢咁離我遠去⋯⋯可能呢一切都只係我穿鑿附會,不過瞓醒知道消息之後嘅一切都係真實嘅。我冇喊,一滴眼淚都冇,甚至懷疑雙眼啲紅筋不過係因爲瞓得差。

我只係諗返起好多嘢:諗起第一次喺唔記得MTV Asia定係Taiwan睇到Somewhere I Belong嘅MV時嘅驚為天人,毛都未生齊嘅我之前對nu metal係一無所知;諗起此後發哂茅咁揾咗好多覺得差唔多嘅band嚟聽,不過冇一隊好似Linkin Park咁深得我心,尤其係聽返In the End同Enth E Nd之後;諗起中二定中三暑假完返學,波蘭嚟嘅(好似係)英文老師問我做乜改咗英文名,我好似係引咗句”But in the end, it doesn’t even matter”之類然後老師嗰個明顯唔係欣賞我嘅笑容;諗起第一次live in Hong Kong時掙扎緊好唔好用手頭上僅餘嘅錢去買飛;諗起收返自己嘅嗰一年,有幾多晚係聽Numb同My December聽天光;諗起第一次聽到Numb/Encore時嗰種心諗一句做乜鳩;諗起最後一張好投入去聽嘅碟已經係A Thousand Suns⋯⋯

俱往矣,一切都返唔到轉頭。除咗大家都google到嘅童年往事同係Phoenix Suns fan之外,其實我唔了解佢,我唔知佢點解要咁做,亦唔知佢係咪解脫咗,我只知我失去咗啲嘢——或者係放棄咗啲嘢。
願逝者安息。

chester@chester.com'

查斯特

其實比起表達,我更擅長聆聽。

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